ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
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