She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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