So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
