I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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