When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
