he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Found your dick twin last night
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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