What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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