Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
tell your sister to shave her snatch
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
