If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
