She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
