I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
