Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
