it's too hot outside to masturbate.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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