i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
