She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
