he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
