first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
