WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
