I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
