I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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