I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
