ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
