dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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