I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
