Only a mothe r could love this liver
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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