I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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