i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
