It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
