I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
