a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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