As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
These tits shall not be calmed
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
