To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
