No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
