mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
