We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
