I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
