Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
BRING THE BAGELS
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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