I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
