I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I am one with the molecules
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
