I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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