yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
