so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
