there's paper in my vomit.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
high people should be assigned attendants
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
