There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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