There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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