dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
