I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
