I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
