i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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