My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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