dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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