Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
